Talking postive and life view

Not everybody would like what I am saying here but this is my own view on this topic .

A person who always talks about positivity and says I look at things positively is not a postive person according to me . Yes you read it right . 

Talking positivity and staying positive within are two different things . Anybody can talk positivity but not all can be postive and look at things ahead and go with the flow as it comes . 

Everyone are humans and a human will have all kind of feelings . You cant talk or always say I am a positive person . I think they are faking a life to the outer world  . They are postive as an outer person not within .I appreciate a person who shows his down phase too and agrees yes I felt bad and I am getting better and I will come out and find a way to happiness . 

Post in your thoughts on a postive person within and a postive person to the outer space . Do you think both are two different things like me ? 

If not let me know how you look at this ?

Because ...

 Why I don’t have anyone in my life?

Because,

I don’t apologize when my arguments are right.

I stay strong even if a thunder falls on my head.

I go through hell and heaven every day in my life but still not overwhelmed.

I ask for my rights and trash people who disrespects.

I cannot ignore people who talks at my back instead, I go to them, blast them and come back.

I cannot hold grudges, but rather slap them and forgive.

I cannot tolerate ‘acting affectionate’, instead avoid that affection.

It’s difficult to be nice to all, so rather be ME .

Right or Wrong

There is a different fact that I understood during this corona period . I am normally a person who would love to be connected with people and my dear and near ones . But i dont see these good intension connections working out these days.The understanding of relationships,marraige ,siblings and what not everything has become a mess .But even if I get hurt many times I am happy that I am living a real life and not faking anything that's happening or happened .

I have never changed in my life . In fact some people like me because they see that me in real and I must agree that this is the reason for me having a small circle of people around me .But I have noticed many of my known people changing after a particular occasion in their life .

Let's take Wedding .My wedding never stopped me or changed any of my characters . I am whoever I was, I am or I will be the same forever.I am that same old sister,fried,neighbour colleague whatever .I treat people the same way always . My way of looking at things doesnt change because I got married or I have a child . But I see that's not happening around me .

I see girls telling me once you get married life changes. You will have your own life and personal things to do . You cant love the same way as you did in childhood as we are all grown up adults and we get busy .I wonder how can the bonding change because you got married to another man .

What do you think about this? I personally think the love and bonding is forever .It will not change because another man came into your life Second,You will have your own life and set of things to follow but that doesnt mean you wont even get a minute to just enquire on people . Priority matters that's all .

Do you think the same as I do ? 

Do you think my view is wrong ? 

Or 

What do you think about this . Have you changed anything after you got married .Let me know . If you have,what is it and why? 

Would like to hear on it .

My journey to Journal

This post might be a surprise for many but that's ok .I put my real experiences here hence i dont want to fake anything here .

Why did i start the habit of Journal ? 

This Covid situation never made a change in my mental health but there are many who hurted me for their needs and I felt left alone , hurt, defended and thrown out of the picture . For a person like me it's way too much to take . 

I never knew how to deal with it . I tried talking  to my family but let me tell you it never helped .I dint find the answer . 

I tried to do some paintings it dint help.

I tried watching movies it dint help 

I tried going out it dint help 

I tried cooking it dint help 

I tried hearing motivational speeches it dint help 

I tried to keep in touch with friends it dint help 

I tried reading books it dint help 

So many ...the list goes on 

One day all of a sudden I stopped talking to everybody to whom I used to call everyday . I started to stare at a wall and let go all the thoughts to the wall . I wrote some happy questions on a book and started to write answers for it everyday .

This brought a change in me . It did ! 

And this idea was given by a 12th grade friend of mine who never talks to me frequently . If my memory is right in 15 years I would have spoken to her once .When I asked for help she responded and helped me out .I dint get that help from any who talks to me everyday .This is when I felt friendship doesnt need daily conversations. 

In a world where people dont care for each other I am forever grateful to that friend of mine.

She played a big part in this journey . I love you my dear friend ♡ 

4 Changes that changed me forever .

Few things that I changed in my life after trying to hold on for long . I never regret leaving the rope because I had tried my best to hold it tight . 

1. I stopped calling any married couples after 6 pm . The reason behind this is an x told to y that their happy time is lost as I call them everyday They failed to know it's out of care and love that I enquire everyday. But the fact is I get time only in the evening once I make tungli to rest . Might be i did wrong but it really hurt me hence I stopped it right there . 

2. I have an uncle who doesnt talk to me past 8 years and he stays near my house . I keep sending him messages for the past 8 years and he never responded . I kept  him updated on everything but he never valued it . He never responded to me or Naveen.He dint even see my daughter till now.  He showed it to my 3 year daughter too . I called him atlast and he spoke for like 3 minutes to me and escaped saying he will call back but that never happened . I just left him in the air .

3.I tried my best to let know some people that I am hurt and depressed but they never realised what I am going through and said I am acting and lieing and that really hurt me . The result is I just stopped telling people what I feel like . I just tell it to naveen . When your love and feelings are not recognized it's such a waste .Do not explain yourself to people who dont understand what you say .

4.People are never busy . It's just priorities and where they have put you in the list . I stopped believing anyone who tells me I am busy .I will never ever believe it .

So my learnings are :

•Do not call people . If they need let them call you 

•Never try to talk to someone who doesnt want to talk with you .

•Talk about love and depression to people who understands it .

•People are never busy . If they want they can but they wont . 

I think I will be learning more lessons ♡

Are there anything that you learned after going through a lot of struggles like me . If so what are they .Your comments are highly appreciated and recognized here with love . 

Peace:)